Honky Tonkitis

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At a Honky Tonkitis press conference Friday, Don Turner, accordion player for the local group, announced he will be leaving the band for a better opportunity.

"I'd been hearing around town that the Empire's looking for some new blood. And I just feel like things aren't taking off with this band. I mean, I've given it a year. I'm thinking of leaving before Harvest," Turner announced.

Lead singer Johnny Maplewood tried to interject at this point: "Don, Harvest is when I need you the most. Only one season more. This year we'll make enough on the harvest that I'll be able to hire another accordion player, and then you can go to the Empire next year. You must understand, I need you here, Don."

But Turner seemed reluctant to change his mind. "I've heard they've got some new construction going on and they're looking for guys like me who can handle a trash compactor or a cell block. Heck, I even dig the white uniforms, and the helmets are really supposed to help people with allergies."

"It's not that I like the Empire; I hate it," Turner stated at the conclusion of the press conference, "but right now, in a down economy, they're hiring like crazy, and I just can't overlook such a good offer."

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