Honky Tonkitis

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Local band Honky Tonkitis announced today the release of new material. Surprisingly, this was not a new CD or T-shirt or sticker, but rather a collection of scented candles.

"We wanted to go in a more ephemeral and spiritual direction," singer Johnny Maplewood said. "We want the Honky Tonkitis customer to actually feel like they are in a honky tonk while listening to our music in a home setting. Or just transforming their local bar into one with more of a honky tonk mood. A lot of that can be established just through smell. Or getting some drunk guy to sit next to you and talk drunken nonsense to you."

"I can tell you from personal experience that these scented candles really do the job, literally," guitarist Bruce Dean noted. "I haven't left my house for the last five days, my drinking's way up, my wife won't talk to me, and my job is in jeopardy. I've never felt more like I'm in a honky tonk."

The scented candles will be available in the following aromas: Pabst, urinal, cigarette butts, Johnny Walker, Regret, Loneliness, Shame and Gonorrhea.

"My personal fave is the Gonorrhea," accordion player Don Turner remarked. "Boy, does that one bring back old times. Whoo! Better to smell it than to feel it!"

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