Honky Tonkitis

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Local accordionist, Don Turner, of the band Honky Tonkitis has spurred massive outrage across the nation. In a recent Teen Beat magazine interview he was quoted as saying that his honky tonk band was "now more popular than cheese and rice:"

"Let's face, it we all know it's true," Turner is quoted as saying. "Honky Tonkitis is now more popular than cheese and rice. The kids would rather listen to our music than eat those basic food staples. It's just a fact."

Vegetarians and cheese lovers across the country have taken offense at Turner's comments and have demanded an apology. Many have taken to burning Honky Tonkitis CD's, while more conservative factions have taken to simply recycling them into holding containers for Rice-A-Roni and Kraft Mac & Cheese.

In the meantime, radio stations across the nation that never played Honky Tonkitis' music in the first place have begun airing public announcements which "vow to never play their music ever, for real this time," and have replaced it with the sound of children eating cheese and rice.

Critics have been quick to respond to Turner's comments.

"First this band is attacking us for our love of cheese and rice! The next thing they'll be saying that they're better than those on a gluten-free or soy diet. Then they'll think they're better than those who eat macrobiotic or vegan. Then it'll be that they're better than those who eat Kosher! Where does it end? Do they think they're bigger than steak?"

At this point, Turner did issued a simple statement saying that he was misquoted:

"I suppose if I had said that Honky Tonkitis was bigger than junk food, I might have got away with it. But I just happened to be talking to a friend and I used the words "Honky Tonkitis" as a remote thing, not as what I think - as Honky Tonkitis, as those other honky tonkers like other people see us. I just said "they" are having more influence on kids and things than anything else, including cheese and rice. But I said it in that way which is the wrong way. And now there's all this. And let's face it. Nobody's bigger than steak. Well, maybe the Beatles."

Don Turner: More popular than Pork 'n Beans?

 

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