Honky Tonkitis

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Local singer and bassist Johnny Maplewood of the band Honky Tonkitis, announced he was upset by the sentence he received from his recent court appearance.

"Honestly, if I had to do it over again, I would have pled 'not guilty' and fought tooth and nail. Instead, my court-appointed attorney recommended I throw myself on the mercy of the court...and look where that's gotten me," Maplewood complained bitterly.

"For someone who could have been doing some serious prison time, I think he really got screwed," Honky Tonkitis drummer Kurt Weber added, when asked for his comments while leaving court. Weber attended the sentencing to support Maplewood.

Maplewood was in court to be sentenced after pleading no contest to dressing like a clown, a violation of his parole agreement from an earlier charge. Although Maplewood had protested that he was not dressed as a clown but rather a mime, the judge in this case did not agree.

In the unique sentencing of the case, Judge Fiorentini requires that Maplewood record an album of Middle Ages lute music with Sting, the former singer of the rock band, Police.

"Wow. I've had my own share of bad judges on some of my cases, but this judge was just nasty," accordionist Don Turner announced as he stepped out of court. When asked if he was there to support Maplewood, Turner replied, "No, I just like to watch Johnny cry. Damn, he cried like a toddler getting spanked."

According to guitarist Bruce Dean, the court has experienced these kinds of sentencings before: "Yeah, I saw them do this to another musician buddy of mine. I guess Sting's so desperate, he's said he's wiling to record with anyone the judges throw his way. All I know is that supposedly most of these musicians never even get arrested again. It's like a musical version of 'scared straight.'

Maplewood was bitter as he left the court. "This sucks. I've got a year to make this happen. That's going to be a year full of lute-ing and chanting and Sting-ing and a lot of drinking."

When reached for comment, singer Sting said, "I'm really excited about this Maplewood collaboration. I just bought myself a vintage lyre and I've written a few really cool Gregorian chants that I want to try out with him. I think that my fans will be pleasantly surprised by this record."

Sting: Maplewood's soul cage or soul brother?

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