In shocking news today, local band Honky Tonkitis announced that it has replaced its long-time singer, songwriter and upright bass player.
"Johnny Maplewood is effectively gone," guitarist Bruce Dean stated, "from this point forward, he is not a member of the band. The music continues to play, but that singer is gone."
Pressed to explain this decision, Dean remarked, "We just couldn't take it anymore. The dressing up. The theatrics. The whining, cloying voice. The lyrics about depressing subjects that only seemed to make sense to him and no one else. Songs written about stuff that only teenage girls could grasp. Well let me tell you: it was going right over the heads of the beer drinking public that we're usually performing to."
"On the bright side," Dean continued, "we have been able to find a replacement for Maplewood, someone we think that will better reflect the musical tendencies of the band. And we're going to introduce him to you right now!"
With that, Dean stepped aside to introduce Honky Tonkitis' new singer.
Robert Smith of the Cure.