Honky Tonkitis

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As part of a family promotion, local band Honky Tonkitis has decided to add a few unique elements to their next show: fiddle player Larry Gääärd will deliver a presentation on safety with home cleaning supplies followed by wrestling a live alligator.

"I don't know why I have to be the one doing the presentation," Gääärd argued, "I feel like the band's picking on me."

"All new band members get stuck doing this kind of thing," guitarist Bruce Dean replied, "When I joined, the band made me buy them all shots. It's just an initiation rite."

Shortly after Gääärd finishes his program on the best ways to safely store and dispose of home cleaning products, he will climb in a makeshift wrestling ring to fight a four hundred pound adult alligator. The band will perform afterwards.

"We wanted to give the kids a bit of sugar with their medicine, so to speak," singer Johnny Maplewood explained, "and we wanted something that the adults might enjoy as well."

Gääärd explains that he has been practicing for the event by interviewing experts in the field of home cleaning products as well as participating at numerous strip club mud wrestling events.

"Let me tell ya," Gääärd laughs, "Some of those girls can really bite."

The band has incorporated the events in an effort to both liven up their live shows as well as work off some of their court-ordered community service hours.

"There's no reason why we can't try to make this fun as well as educational," drummer Kurt Weber explains, "At next month's show I'm going to tackle dental hygiene and swimming with water moccasins."

"Personally, I wish Larry was wrestling the alligator before the cleaning supply presentation," accordionist Don Turner commented, "At least then we'd have a fighting chance that it would be canceled due to injury or death. I've seen his presentation four times so far, and it's kinda lame."

Can Gääärd successfully handle home cleaning products?

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