Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band

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Fiddle player Larry Gaääärd of local group Honky Tonkitis has a new reason to smile this week: He's going home with a lot of fans.

"Well, my action figure is, at least," Gaääärd says with a grin.

In fact, Gaääärd's action figure has been outselling the rest of the Honky Tonkitis action figures combined.

"The man's a whore," singer Johnny Maplewood rudely commented.

"He's rigging the system by buying them himself," accordion player Don Turner added.

"Except for the five I bought," Maplewood countered. "Hey Larry, you know why I smell like burnt plastic? 'Cos I threw them all in the fire last night, I hate you so much."

If sales of the Gaääärd doll continue at the current rate, the action figure should sell out by the end of the week.

"Sold out, hunh? See? There's another way it's just like you, Larry," drummer Kurt Weber injected.

Gaääärd had his own theories why his action figure generated such greater sales.

"I think it's just that people see themselves as the fiddle player. Young kids want to be in that role in a honky tonk band."

"It's because your doll's the only one that's not anatomically correct," Guitarist Bruce Dean snapped back, "They strip the clothes off the doll right away and wonder what the hell's wrong with you."

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Larry Gaääärd action figure: What kids want from a honky tonk band?

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