This week, Rolling Stone magazine announced that Honky Tonkitis has now unseated singer Morrissey to gain the title for "most depressing songs on the planet."
"Yes! I am SO stoked! In your face, Morrissey!" Lead singer and songwriter Johnny Maplewood shouted while high-fiving guitarist Chris Conrad at a local bar. "It's about time! There's only so many songs a guy can write about getting drunk and losing your woman. I knew it was only a matter of time before I took that mope down. I wish I had money to buy another drink!"
Morrissey, famous for such melancholy hits as "You Have Killed Me," "One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell," "Hairdresser on Fire," and "Disappointed," was beaten out by Honky Tonkitis tunes like, "Daddy Smells Like Alcohol and Heartbreak," "I Spell Divorce," "Stop Playing Lawn Darts on My Heart," and "I Hope I Don't Get the Clap Tonight."
Morrissey, interviewed as he left his Los Angeles mansion surrounded by throngs of screaming fans, commented, "My soul is burned."
Morrissey: Has he finally hit the wall?