Honky Tonkitis

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Local honky tonk band Honky Tonkitis is facing down indecision in its immediate future.

"Honestly, we're not sure how things are going to turn out," singer Johnny Maplewood stated.

The whole issue came about as the band headed to a show.

"We were running late, but as we drove over a bridge, the car in front of us threw something out the window that landed in the water below," Maplewood explained. "We were a little concerned, so we stopped and fished it out. It turns out it was a burlap sack full of newborn kittens."

The roly-poly bag of kittens has driven a razor-sharp wedge between members of the band.

"If it was up to me, I'd say we take the bag and toss it back. Let God sort 'em out," accordion player Don Turner suggested while pointing toward the bag of adorable, tiny kittens.

"I'd take them home with me and raise them myself. I've got a little baby bottle. I could feed them warm milk one at a time and nurse them back to health. Except I'm completely allergic. I swell up like balloon and a yellow pus runs from all my orifices," violinist Larry Gääärd lamented, while the baby kittens batted each other in the head with their tiny paws.

"I'm pretty sure I know a guy who could take them," drummer Kurt Weber noted, cradling one of the tiny purring cats in his hand. "He needs them for testing toxic chemicals. Y'know, the kind where they drip the stuff in their eyes and mouths and stuff and note the painful results. He'd probably give us good money for them."

As the newborn kittens mewed and played, tumbling over each other, guitarist Bruce Dean noted, "Well, I've already got three cats at my house, and they're driving me nuts. I'm thinking of asking the band if I can borrow the burlap sack, if you know what I mean."

"I just don't know what to do," singer Johnny Maplewood sighed, stroking one of the stray kittens that was happily chewing on his pinky. "I'm so sick of having to make the decisions with this band. I'm thinking we just bring them to our show along with the sack and a big bucket of water and let the audience decide. I'm sure a bar full of people drinking alcohol can come to an appropriate and well-thought out decision."

Honky Tonkitis faces indecision in its future

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