Honky Tonkitis

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Guitarist Bruce Dean of local band Honky Tonkitis suffered a severe head trauma due to a car accident recently, causing him to accidentally write an Eagles song.

"It's a tragedy," Honky Tonkitis singer Johnny Maplewood lamented. "The poor guy gets banged on the head in a car accident and the Eagles have to go and steal some crap song he came up with while he was still disoriented."

The song, Take It Easy Hotel Lying Eyes, has become the latest Eagles single release for their upcoming Take It Easy Hotel Lying Eyes Summer tour.

"I'm not sure if it was Don Henley or Glenn Frey in the car that hit me. Maybe it was bass player. They all look alike to me. I just remember mumbling some kind of tune as I faded in and out of consciousness and someone commented, 'Hey, that sounds like a hit!' I've still got double vision and feel nauseous."

"It's his own damn fault," accordionist Don Turner observed, "You go around suffering head traumas and singing Eagles songs, they're gonna pick up on that. That's just what the Eagles do. Dean's gotta learn to keep his concussed mouth shut."

While Dean is awaiting the results of a CAT scan, Take It Easy Hotel Lying Eyes has come in at the top of the Top 100 music list with more than one million downloads of the song in the first week. 

Dean can only shake his sore, swollen head.

"I keep asking myself: Why couldn't I have been hit by Ozzy Osborne or Randy Travis? They would've just fled the scene."

Bruce Dean: Paying the price for runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen his load.

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