Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band


In a surprise announcement Monday, fiddle player Larry Gääärd of the local group, Honky Tonkitis, announced his plans to return to the world of Lucha Libre.

"It's time for El Violinista to come back and fight his greatest foe. I am not saying that I am El Violinista, only that he has contacted me and told me he will return," Gääärd told reporters.

"El Violinista is a man of the people," singer Johnny Maplewood added.

"I didn't even know Larry was into Mexican wrestling," guitarist Bruce Dean commented, "although that explains why he did a pile driver on me the other night after I made a joke about him."

"El Violinista is a man that commands respect," singer Johnny Maplewood replied, "El Vilionista will not be put down."

Gääärd explained that he was returning to the world of Lucha Libre to be matched against a new opponent: Los Polar Vortex.

"Los Polar Vortex is an awesome foe. He has struck fear in the hearts of the innocent throughout the world, causing sorrow and misery. Los Polar Vortex must be stopped," Gääärd concluded.

"El Violinista speaks the truth," singer Johnny Maplewood added, "El Violinsta is a man of honesty."

"I always wondered why Larry walked around with a mask in his back pocket," drummer Kurt Weber commented, "But I just thought he made some extra money robbing liquor stores. I didn't think it was any of my business."

"El Violinista is a man of peace," singer Johnny Maplewood replied, "El Violinista only battles humanity's oppressors."

Gääärd plans to begin training in Mexico City in the coming month and will appear in the ring against Los Polar Vortex in the early spring.

"Y'know, I heard that this whole Mexican wrestling thing was a pile of crap," accordionist Don Turner argued. "It's just a bunch of jacked-up steroid junkies slapping each other around for money."

With that, Gääärd put Turner in a Boston Crab, spun him around and to the ground with an Argentine facebuster, and launched a back flip splash on Turner from top rope. Turner was counted out as he lay on the ground bleeding and weeping.

"El Violinista is a man of truth and honor," singer Johnny Maplewood replied, "But El Vilionista will not tolerate liars. Or accordion players."

Larry Gääärd or El Violinista?

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