Honky Tonkitis

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Local honky tonk band, Honky Tonkitis, announced Monday that they were suspending guitarist Bruce Dean for one show, along with fining him $50.

"Unfortunately, at our last show, Bruce seriously violated band rules," singer Johnny Maplewood explained. "At the time, I threw down the red flag on the violation, explained to Bruce what rule he had broken, and had our fiddle player, Larry, note it in the official log book."

"Because you never break any band rules," Dean retorted.

"We always feel bad when these kind of things happen," drummer Kurt Weber admitted. "But we have to police ourselves, or else it would be complete anarchy on stage."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I see you spinning your drumsticks during a break in the song, Mr. Rock Drummer," Dean spit back.

Band members explained that the violation occurred when guitarist Dean, in a high-spirited moment during a drum build-up was clearly heard to say, "Everybody put your arms in the air! Wave 'em like you just don't care!"

"Honestly, we do care," fiddle player Larry Gaaard commented. "We care about our reputation as a serious honky tonk band. Yelling out a foolish 1980's dance instructions is only going to cheapen the spirit of the performance and cause someone to get poked in the eye. Therefore, the flag was thrown."

"Yeah, but when Maplewood screams for the crowd to pump their fists, that's okay. Jeez what a bunch of hypocrites," Dean argued.

"We all feel bad that it happened, but we have to maintain our musical and entertainment standards. It's central to this band," accordionist Don Turner explained.

"I'll remember that the next time you lead the crowd in a round of the Chicken Dance, ya blowhard," Dean shot back.

No confirmation could be made whether the audience did indeed wave their arms like they just didn't care. Dean is appealing the suspension and fine.

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