Honky Tonkitis

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The Milwaukee District Attorney's office is reviewing whether to press charges against a local accordion player for the band Honky Tonkitis after a dust-up in a bar last week. Although details of the bar fight are being reviewed, what has been confirmed is that Milwaukee Brewers relief pitcher John Axford was relieved of four teeth during the tavern dust-up.

Reached earlier this week after making bail, accordion player Don Turner provided his version of the altercation: “Look, Axford came into the bar dissing accordion players and accordions in general. Usually I let this kind of stuff slide right off my back, but when he went into his fourth ‘how many accordion players does it take to screw in a light bulb’ joke, I told him to pipe down. Well, one thing led to another, push came to shove, and Axford was spitting teeth like sunflower seeds.”

Axford, when reached for comment, stated that although he did indeed lose four teeth last week, they were removed by an oral surgeon rather than in a bar fight.

“An oral surgeon, that’s what he called me?” Turner laughed. “Sure, I was his oral surgeon. And Axford, if you want another appointment, just stop by the bar again and start up with the accordion jokes. I’ll be happy to squeeze you in. And I’ll make sure to feed you those teeth for breakfast along with your Lucky Charms. Green Clovers. Blue Diamonds. Purple Horse shoes. And Bloody Red teeth.”

No word yet on Axford’s next scheduled pitching appearance.

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Axford and Turner: How many teeth does it take to screw in a relief pitcher?

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