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  • May 27
    Kochanski's Concertina Beer Hall,  Milwaukee
     

Honky Tonkitis

Here's where you talk to the band

Jukebox

Accordion player Don Turner of local band Honky Tonkitis was arrested at a local tavern Thursday night, charged with assault.

"He had it coming," Turner said as he was escorted into the back of the police car by police.

According to statements taken by police later, Turner reported he was drinking at a local bar when the Cookie Monster of Sesame Street fame approached Turner and sat next to him at the bar.

"He was nice enough to begin with," Turner stated, "He was telling me about the speed metal band that he sang for and what a pain his neighbors, Burt and Ernie, were. He seemed a nice enough guy."

Turner said that for several minutes the two engaged in conversation and everything seemed fine.

"Then all of a sudden I hear, 'Nom nom nom' and I look over and realize the blue S.O.B. has eaten my cookies," Turner commented. "Nobody else was around. The bartender hadn't been by since we got our last round of drinks. Nobody else came near us. And that was only my first drink."

It was at this point that a confrontation ensued.

"Look," Turner said, "I know when I've eaten my own cookies or not. And that blue jerk had my freakin' cookie crumbs on his lips. I confronted him and he denied eating them. I told him to look me in the eye and say that again, but with those weird googly eyes of his, who knows if he was even looking at me."

At this point the confrontation escalated.

"He gets up and starts to walk away, probably searching for somebody else with cookies, and I grabbed him and said, 'nobody eats my cookies.'"

"All he kept muttering under his breath was, 'C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.'"

"I replied, 'Yeah? Well F is for fist, and that's good enough for me.'"

Turner reported this was the point he began to punch and kick the Cookie Monster.

The blue monster is currently in the hospital suffering a concussion and multiple contusions to the body, along with several broken bones.

"Look, the police say 'stand your ground' with these kinds of guys. Those were my cookies. I was standing my ground. No blue freak is going to get away with eating my cookies."

The District Attorney in charge of the investigation had not yet decided whether to press charges against Turner.

Turner is considering pressing charges for the theft of his cookies.

Cookie Monster: currently in intensive care

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